SELF

 

The world began to cave in on me 

as everything grew distant

stuck in a place I no longer wanted to see, I yearned for a touch that wasn't consistant

I would give my everything for that touch

even losing myself

just for my all to still not be enough

my words would no longer hold value

as there was nothing I could say

my thoughts became hopeless

like that of a lost child who thought to bust his gun was the only way

I begged to understand, my heart became numb

until I stumbled across something that was grand

no longer feeling deaf, blind, dumb

I found something greater than wealth

I was able to discover and understand SELF. 

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My dreams as a child were hopeless

as I confided in the beliefs of Satan

using me as his puppet, I was dumb as he always wanted

keeping me dumb because he knew I had more power 

as long as he kept me blind

he continued to control my mind

praising him when in reality he was praising me

holding the truth from me as its been for thousands of years

until the sun suddenly shined and made sense

I then realized I was god

he no longer could control me because he already knew

I was just last to find out.

Written in hotel in the Mountains

As my isolated thoughts

turn to it's flourishing misery

I'd dwell in this beautiful estate

where those questions of origins

suddenly become familiar

as I could only imagine

true Kings and Queens

who spoke nothing but truth

on a quest for their words to be heard

suddenly robbed by thieves

living off animal instinct 

using their power for greed

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Balancing the evils and happiness of our fondest memories 

How does one maintain solitude in a world of misery?

From the many animals slaughtered and force fed 

To the mothers who lose their children from constant bloodshed

It is indeed the devils playground

How can one survive in a world where death and disaster is the only thing bound?

I know if god wanted to change this then he would

So I question if god truly understood

How one could live at a respectable distance from evil

When outside all u see is the struggling, lost souls of your people. 

Living to Suffer

If the only thing promised is death

Then why are we living to suffer

Gasping for breath

Nothing lasts forever 

This I know 2 be true

So am I living to see?

Or living to die

In exchange 2 be free for eternity

Pride

 

A man will die a thousand times

Before letting go of his pride

Wandering searching for the signs

We put pride first 

And everything else we hide

Tough is what we have to B

Our life is trivial 

Even a blind man would say he can see

Pride only hurts

And never brings tranquility.

Loneliness

 

In the corner of my heart

My loneliness sank

As if my soul ripped apart

With a mind that is blank

I see people enjoying one another

And I sit back and wonder

Am I a dead man being eaten by a crow?

do I exist?

Or am I just a shadow? 

4 Eternity

 

When my eyes close 4 me 2 rest

I lay in dignity 

Knowing I did my best

May the frowns I've created 

Turn 2 smiles

And the birds sing their song

Ever so beautifully, flying

for miles and miles.

Mountain of foundation 

 

Sometimes I find myself lying on the edge of a mountain

in a quick glance this could all be over

I use this mountain as a shoulder to dry my tears

I travel this far to lean on it

cuz I know nobody is near

till the moonlight turns to sunshine 

i'll lay here looking at the city in the distance

everything will be fine

as long as I show up to this mountain with persistence.

Dance with the Devil

 

When the sun goes down

she dances with the wolves

draped in her beautiful gown

when the moon appears full

she dances all night with a frown

Her hair is jet black

beautiful and pure

but confidence is what she lacks

she's a flower waiting to bloom

with a dark side that likes to howl at the moon

I hear sometimes she dances with the devil

and they share a lust for sin

but she's just special

he loves the way her hair blows in the summer wind

they say that's no good to be playin with fate

but here she feels free

when she dances on this estate. 

Give me a sign

 

I need to talk to god

sometimes I talk

but I don't know if he listening

and maybe he mad

cuz sometimes I question his existence

I know I let him down

when I'm low

is the only time I come around

but I guess this is my way of showing

so where do we go?

after we sin

do we have time to grow?

or is it true that heaven got a ghetto?

Night 2 Remember

 

We stayed up all night

said a lot of words

we spilled wine

stains cover your white blouse 

I could say I'm falling again

but I know this will not last

lets bathe in lust

and tomorrow live in the past.

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I've seen a side of u that is heartless and cold

After all the time we shared

To think our memories would soon fold

And I'd see the day u no longer cared

My words would no longer hold value

Wishing I could just crawl into your arms

Forced in a place where I'm stuck

Your words now cause harm

Now everyday sucks

Because you chose to not give a fuck.

Sometimes...

 

Sometimes I talk

Sometimes I don't talk at all

Sometimes awkward silence is better than noise

Sometimes I like to remember 

and sometimes rememberin just aint no fun.

Fire of the unknown 

 

The unknown is the biggest weapon of fear

the endless possibilities

a man with a gun

could scare god himself

Holding the fire of the unknown.

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Days I longed for your touch or to hear your voice

it is now I rejoice

and turn the page from those rainy days

I was just a boy learning to be a man

and it is now I truly understand

to heal all wounds

before the damage spreads rampant

u are the dream I always imagined

I know this because I didn't realize at first when it happened 

I thank u for all the joy and the pain too

because through it all it lead me closer to u.

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I know how it feels to die

my eyes once gleamed at the sky 

back when I felt alive

my heart lingers to feel joy like hollywoods fame

all I've lived is a life filled with pain

quick to look for someone to blame

instead of looking in the mirror

which is the cause of all this rain.

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If indeed

all things come to an end

then I rather just be

to prevent what could have been

and deep down I know they do

so it'd tear me apart

to stare at u

knowing we r promised to be apart

I would care 4 u 2 dearly

to leave u with a broken heart.

2 go crazy

 

I'd go crazy

tossing and turning for days

longing for peace in my mind

that night I drove miles just to see u

I promised to hold u like it was my last

trying to forget what's in the past

but u said things 

I would never say to u.